The Japanese Psychology

In America I have lost track of the combination of Social Filters I have for various situations to fit in. I have one for school, for work, for talking with superiors, for hanging out with friends, for being around family, when I'm in a city where no one knows me, when I'm in a city where people do know me, the list just goes on and on. Why? Because different things are expected of me based on the situation, and I don't mean various social rituals, but I am expected to act a certain way at certain times. In Japan this is simplified into three categories for social filters: Tanin, Soto, and Uchi. These are, respectively, stranger, outsider, and insider. To a Tanin it doesn't matter how you act to an extent (group harmony must be maintained, so you can not be a jerk, but you have no obligations to do anything out of your way), they do not matter because you do not know them and they do not know you (this is why if you come to Japan you will see old ladies throwing elbows trying to get onto the bus first). To a Soto you have all your social filters on, you are polite and courteous all the time. Finally, to an Uchi you can be yourself, there is no need for any form of social filter. So how does one go from Tanin to Uchi? Obviously, once you are introduced you go from being a Tanin to a Soto, there is no way to never have met someone once you have. Once you become a Soto one enters the realm of the ritual of gift giving, and it is extensive. This is where it is interesting, because you still have a choice as to which gifts and occasions you participate in for each person, but your response to them never changes, you still maintain your social position. The relationship of gift giving creates obligation among the Japanese and a sense of belonging. Gift giving and receiving is a concept known at Zoutou, it is an exchange, there is an expectation of repayment. Oddly, this is the main reason the Japanese do not tip, because the person you are tipping does not want the obligation of repaying you for your kindness, it messes with the nature of the business relationship. At some point the feeling of obligation transitions as you move into the Uchi stage to more of a loyalty, gifts may or may not be given, and you can drop your social filters entirely. Obviously too, there is a way to fall from Uchi back into Soto. This is a level of thought in Japan that I have found appealing, I can either be completely social acceptable or I can be myself, because let's face it, no one fits in with everyone, we all do what we think needs to be done to keep the peace. But in Japan there are only two ways to act (I don't count Tanin because I don't have to care). This has been extremely helpful in understanding the mentality of people here and how I should behave. Plus, to me it is a drastic simplification to how things are back in the United States.